You

You’re probably asleep by now.

How have you been doing?

Needless to say, i miss you.

I realised today how much i took you for granted. The shoes i was wearing was a gift from you, so was the bag i was carrying, the earrings, my wallet and u helped chip in with my phone too. So much for gifts being your last love language haha. 

If i could give anything in the world to go back in time and undo what i did i would.

I know you said you never talked about leaving me but things between us will never be the same anymore. 

Im scared that one day during our break away from each other, you’d realize that i wasn’t worth it anymore and that you’d rather lose me than go through all this pain and hurt that i’ve caused you. Truth be told, i don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you being there throughout my darkest moments and still loving me through it all. Sure we’ve had our tough moments but mothing compares to life without you. Its only been 3 days without you and im almost back where i first lost you. About to give up on my life, about to give up caring for myself once again. If i lost you because of this stupid thing i’ve done i’d never forgive myself, because i know i will ever find anyone else like you. I will never find anyone who makes me laugh like you do, who thinks of me when i least expect it, who loved every bit of me even my flaws, who looks tough on the exterior but really a big softie on the inside. I will never find someone i love more than you. It broke my heart the first time u left, and now its breaking my heart to live with what i’ve done to you, knowing how much hurt you are going through. I cant say im sorry enough, and I don’t even dare to text you now. Im ashamed of what ive done. At times i wonder if you left 你会不会比较好过.. 

i worry that you aren’t eating well, nor sleeping well. I worry that because you prefer to pent up your feelings and not talk about it. I worry because i know how much you are hurting and it doesn’t help that you don’t unload it. I know part of the reason why you aren’t talking to anyone not even your closest friends because you are protecting their impression of me. Somehow in your pain you still find the strength to think of me and worry about me. I really do not deserve you. I love you. But if it makes you happier to leave, as much as it breaks my heart to say this, just leave. I want you to be happy because i love you. Its the least that i can do after all the things ive put you through.