Logbook of the mind

You’re probably asleep by now. How have you been doing? Needless to say, i miss you. I realised today how much i took you for granted. The shoes i was wearing was a gift from you, so was the bag i was carrying, the earrings, my wallet and u helped chip in with my phone too. So much for gifts being your last love language haha.  If i could give anything in the world to go back in time and undo what i did i would. I know you said you never talked about leaving me but things between us will never be the same anymore.  Im scared that one day during our break away from each other, you’d realize that i wasn’t worth it anymore and that you’d rather lose me than go through all this pain and hurt that i’ve caused you. Truth be told, i don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you being there throughout my darkest moments and still loving me through it all. Sure we’ve had our tough moments but mothing compares to life without you. Its only been 3 days without you and im almost back where i fir...

I wish i never existed.  If every trace of my existence could be wiped from this earth, i wouldnt have had to hurt all that ive hurt.  I don't deserve any love. I don't deserve to be loved.  I hate how I am.  I hate how much i made you hurt.  I miss you. I love you. But maybe i never knew how to love.  I dont know how to love myself. I dont know how to love God. Who am i say that i love you?  I prolly dont know how to love you. I cheated. Even though i never did after but i still did. I lied. I dont want to lose you.  My heart is heavy, numb with a tinge of sourness.  I constantly feel like crying but i cant stop everything in my life to wallow. I have to go to work. But right after i just go home and crash. I havent been eating much and i dont feel like doing anything at all.  I feel myself slipping back in to the darkest depths of my depression but i promised you that i would stay strong. That i wouldnt hurt myself. I promised so ma...